Last updated February 09, 2008
A leisurely pace
Most of my adult life - and I don't think I'm alone in this - I've been frantic about wherever I'm going next, rushing into everything, with this painful, low-grade feeling of constant panic. Early in 2005, when I took a weekend vacation to Natchez, Mississippi, and stayed in a beautiful old bed-and-breakfast in this tiny, old town, that feeling disappeared, which made me aware of how strong it had been.
Instead of the constant anxiety, I felt a sense of calmness and pleasure in the moment. I enjoyed every little thing around me in my B&B; I luxuriated in the beauty of the potted plants, relaxed to the sound of classical music and the crackling of the fireplace in the living room, and took refuge in the cleanliness and touchability of every surface. I focused on this feeling and I tried to `memorize` it so I could carry it with me. I even took notes on what I loved! And when I got home I thought about how to recreate that feeling. It meant keeping my house cleaner, lighting candles (since I don't have a fireplace), playing nice classical music in the background when I'm relaxing, and so forth.
But more important than the surroundings was the attitude. During my vacation weekend, I had nowhere I had to go and nothing I had to do. I couldn't be in a hurry! And I realized that my constant sense of I've got to get here and do this and I'm running late and arrrgghhhhhhh!!!!!! was definitely contributing to the ill-health I had at the time.
Unfortunately, I live in one of the largest cities in North America - Houston, Texas - which I definitely think contributes to the hurrying feeling. So I had to find little ways to slow down.
The important thing is that I started dividing up my life, mentally, into little sections. Before, if I was worried about work, I'd worry through breakfast, to work, at work, through lunch, at work in the afternoon... etc. (ad miserium). Now, I tell myself, `I'm eating breakfast - this is not the time to worry about work. I do that at work. This is the time for me to relax and enjoy the physical pleasure of eating a nice meal, and think about what I have to look forward to today.` So, as I live my day, I focus only on the part of the day I'm in, for the hour or few hours that it lasts. I just do what's next to do - not worrying about any part of my life I'm not engaged in at that moment.
Second, I try to ensure that my daily rituals are designed for relaxation, and I absolutely refuse to rush them. I don't care if I'm running late for work; I will not run through the house trying to brush my teeth and put my shoes on at the same time! At mealtimes, I sit down in the nicest spot I can find and I eat a real meal, savoring every bite - even though my life is not particularly conducive to doing this. At night, I don't work straight through until bedime - I take time before bed to relax and unwind.
Third, I take any opportunity I can to relax, whether that's waiting at the doctor's office or waiting in line at the grocery store. I have to remind myself that there's a life outside my own head - and it's got some really neat and really pretty things in it. So I pay attention to things, look for what's beautiful or fun, and smile at other people. It's easy to get tunnel vision when you're always on your way somewhere else.
I know that no matter what kind of life I have, I will always need to wake up and get dressed, and I will need to stop what I'm doing for meals, and I will be able to take a few minutes to relax before going to sleep. And in between these daily rituals, I will have errands to run and housekeeping to do and some sort of work, whether it's paid or not. So I don't need to devote any thought to these routines - I can safely take them for granted as the unchanging context of a sane and simple life. I have found that to be deeply comforting.
By breaking down my day this way, giving my attention to each segment of my day, taking specific times for relaxation, and enjoying everything as much as I can, I no longer worry about everything all day long. It's not that I never hurry or worry anymore - but I certainly have slowed down, and I feel a much deeper sense of pleasure in life. It's made a profound difference in the way I live each day.
If you currently feel frazzled, rushed, and stressed, I suggest trying a similar way of looking at your life.
By:
Hilary
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